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2014
10/30

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Adoption Questions People Ask…Why Are We Deterring this?

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Lately I have come across so many articles of questions you shouldn’t ask people who adopt. I get that people can be insensitive but seeing these articles all the time bugs me. I started the blog for numerous reasons but a big one was to put information out there. To let my friends and family know about the process, the ups and downs, and even the financial aspect. I have wanted to adopt since I was about 8 years old (give or take), am a licensed social worker, researched like crazy, and I still had so many questions when we started the process. In fact I didn’t even know what a truly open adoption could look like.

It’s not that I feel like every adoptive parent has to tell all of their business, but I do want to be an advocate for adoption and adoption education. As we ask questions we just need to be thoughtful of what we are asking. Other than that, if phrased nicely, I would be happy to answer your questions. Questioning is how we learn and grow. Here is the thing, we are the faces of adoption so if we respond to an offensive comment with a rude reply or an abrupt end to the conversation then we have done one of two things;

1) Shut the conversation down for good with that person and/or

2) Allowed them to continue asking the same offensive question to another family.

During our adoption seminar the social worker had us write down the offensive questions family and friends had asked us since opening up about our adoption plan. Quite frankly at the time I could only think of one. We had so much support and positivity from the moment we told everyone that I was actually pretty surprised by the one offensive question. Needless to say, it took a lot of will power to answer with respect but I think I did a decent job for the first awkward question. I also hope that I used language that they used/remembered from that point on. I will say I was pretty astounded by some of the questions others in our seminar had been asked. Our job of advocators for adoption will not be an easy one if we have to respectfully respond to some of those questions, but I beg anyone in the adoption community to try.

With all this said, there is one thing that I will not answer. My daughter’s story of what happened prior to being adopted is her story, not mine and I suspect that most other parents will protect their children’s stories too.

We all have our things that we are knowledgeable in whether it’s politics, religion, math, social work, or where to get the best hamburgers. Unfortunately we need to remember that we also ALL have things that we are NOT familiar with.

And maybe, just maybe if we do a good job of answering those questions, then there will be a couple of other families with a little more insight into adoption.

2014
10/30

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Baeya’s First Birthday

Baeya came into our lives with a force. We were a family of 3 one day and the next a family of four. She has filled our lives with love from the moment we laid eyes on her. She loves to be held, loves to give hugs, and loves to climb anything available. I cannot believe that she is one. We had such a good time celebrating with family and friends. I made it a goal to have everything ready when everyone got there so thanks to our awesome family Nate and I were able to spend the majority of time celebrating with Baeya and Owen. (Normally I feel like I am in the kitchen most of Owen’s past birthdays.) My mom also took some awesome pics for us!

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2014
06/08

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Rookie Mistake

I made a rookie mistake today. A rookie mommy mistake. Several actually. We went and met Nate for lunch and afterwards got a carwash. The kids were being so good, I got duped. Duped into thinking that they could handle a run to Homegoods. I have been craving some decorating time and figured a short run to Homegoods could “scratch the itch”. So I preemptively took Owen to the bathroom as soon as we walked into the store. That plan didn’t work. We ended up in the bathroom 4 more times. That’s right, 5 total! There were two clean up missions (not number 1) and two recon missions, Towmater was missing. (Don’t worry, Towmater was found.) In between the bathroom trips the little one decided it was a good time to spit up. Twice. Full on move the cart over the spit up so no one slips until an employee can clean it up kind of spit up. And the most annoying part of all…I wore jeans. Carrying an infant car seat + 6 month old + 3 year old (all at semi-separate times) back and forth to the bathroom makes for quite the workout. But I made it through without tears or yelling. So I figure I did OK. Not great but OK. Just when you think your getting good at this mommy thing something like this happens and you remember. You are not in control, but I will not be duped again by those innocent faces, at least not for the next two days…

2014
01/25

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Reflections

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Last year I shared with everyone that I had a bit of a cancer scare in Hiccup in the Road. I have a tendency to treat things like they are no big deal even when I am going through hard times. I have shared with many women from my bible studies about my “self-preservation gene” as I like to call it. You know the voice inside that keeps saying, “oh Jackie don’t be dramatic, I am sure it’s no big deal”. And later says, “Oh that wasn’t that difficult, others go through much worse.” I almost feel guilty talking about how hard those couple of weeks were because I didn’t have to deal with the opposite outcome. But those few weeks make the beginning of this year so much sweeter. I probably would not even reflect on that time if I didn’t have a blog to document these moments for me. So I will celebrate with my beautiful family because we have been a family of four for 3 months. We were accepted into the adoption program at Buckner in January of last year and then immediately thought we would have to put it on hold due to the biopsy. Instead, we got good news and were able to adopt Baeya Hope a little over 10 months later. The exact timeline of when we decided to have a baby to the point that we were blessed with Owen.  So even though I am very thankful for the ”self-preservation gene” I am setting it aside and thinking about how different life could have been this past year and how thankful I am that it turned out how it did. Baeya was meant to be a part of this family from the beginning. I am overwhelmed with gratitude and love for the way Owen has stepped into the big brother role. He is so helpful, kind, and loving to “Ms. Baeya” as he lovingly refers to her. He has completely shocked me on how much he loved her from the beginning. Any pics that I may post of his giving kisses to Baeya are completely unprompted. If you had told me that Nate and I would have a daughter and be starting a church by the beginning of 2014 I would have thought you were crazy. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that my life would be so fulfilling. Not sure that 2014 could possibly top 2013 but I am keeping an open mind, you never know what God has in store.

 

 

 

 

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2014
01/21

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Scariest Night

In a previous post I mentioned that we finally were able to celebrate Christmas with my family. I have one brother who lives in Moore, Ok and one sister in Austin. So that means they both get to come here for Christmas. My parents live about 5 miles from us so it works great (that is, it works great for me). This year my brother and his family stayed with me and my sis’ fam stayed with my parents. When we left my parents house Saturday we were all very tired so I went to bed shortly after getting both kids to bed. I heard my brother’s family come to our house shortly after that.
Suddenly I am woken up by someone continuously ringing my doorbell. Please note that when I sleep, I sleep like a kid on melatonin. So to say I was a bit confused is the understatement of my year (aka the past 27 days). Which is really funny because in that very moment I couldn’t get my light sleeper husband to wake up. I went around the bed and noticed that my husbands phone was ringing and it was my brother. He hung up before I could answer so I ran to the door assuming it was him trying to get in. I was feeling very relieved that it was just my brother at the door when I started thinking its weird that he got locked out since I had heard him come home already. As I approached the door with my hand ready to unlock the deadbolt I look through the peephole and there is no one there. Weird right. So instead of opening the door (thank goodness) I walked back over to my bedroom where Nate had finally woken up and said Brian isn’t at the door. Then I hear my brothers voice from upstairs say, “DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR”. My brother then comes downstairs and says that there is someone outside that has been beating on our door for several minutes. My bother and his wife were upstairs watching out the window. Nate immediately calls the police and we start waiting. About 5 mins after Nate gets off the phone, Nikki (sis-in-law) says he is walking down the street. Apparently it was a male average to tall with dark hair. After talking more while waiting on the police Nate and I had slept through several minutes of this man beating on our door to the point of the front of the house shaking. We then spoke with a policeman for about 3 mins. He left to look for the man on foot but as far as we know came up with nothing.

After a facebook message to our community page we found out that apparently we were not the only house that this guy tried. Our new neighbors spoke with the guy who admitted to going to a party, being left by his friends, and wanting a ride home. Not sure how beating on people’s doors would get him a ride home unless he wanted a ride in a cop car, but my neighbor did say he reeked of alcohol.

For the past few weeks I have been a tad nervous. Nate went out of town a week ago and I stayed at my mom’s house one of the nights. Once your space has been invaded it takes a while to feel right again. Things are, by the way, feeling normal again, but I will definitely be triple checking my doors for a while.