Monthly Archives: March 2015


General Adoption Info

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Why domestic adoption?


A friend was recently asked about why she was choosing to adopt a domestic infant (a pretty expensive way to adopt) rather than adoption through the Foster care System. This question can make an adoptive parent feel a bit judged but as you know I never want to deter anyone from asking questions. I have written a little about this before in Choosing Adoption but I would like to address it a little more.

Domestic infant adoption is giving an opportunity to a woman to choose life for her child when she knows she is unable to parent the child in the way she wants. She is able to make an adoption plan in order to keep her child safe, well loved, and taken care of. If a mother is unprepared to have a child and does parent, this could increase the chances of CPS involvement in the child’s future. I am in no way saying that a birthmother who chooses to parent will have CPS called on her but counseling and the option of making an adoption plan would increase the chances of preventing any future encounters with CPS.

I also encourage people to have a completely open adoption in order for the child to know their Birthparents. Which is pretty specific to domestic infant adoptions. Although there can be contact in some CPS adoptions, this is not the norm or even necessarily a positive thing in some cases. Open adoption allows the child to hear about what a hard sacrifice it was for their birthparents to make an adoption plan and although they were unable to parent, they are very loved. I was also very glad to save our money, fundraise, and ask for donations in order for social workers and counselors to get paid for the many hours of their time counseling these women and thoroughly investigating potential adoptive parents. Adoption can be extremely expensive but most of these women choose to parent after these counseling sessions and are much better parents because of their time spent with a social worker. As children of God I feel that it is not only important to comfort and care for the children but also the mothers. I hope that our child’s birth mother feels the love we have for not only our child but for her too, along with the birth father and birth siblings of our daughter. Giving these mothers options on who they want to parent their child is a good thing. What some refer to as a “waiting list” is seen through my eyes as options for the parents out there who are thoughtfully choosing a safe, loving home for the child. Our particular agency never had more than 12 families in the adoptive parent book at a time and when we were picked there were only about 7 families.

I also should add that as adoptive parents we should be diligent about picking an agency or lawyer who we know will be supportive of the birthparents decision making and ethical in every step of the process. We never want to be a part of coercing any mother into an adoption plan that doesn’t want it in this country or in any other.

am in complete support of adopting through CPS and international adoption in addition to domestic infant because there are way too many children out there who need forever homes.

When deciding on an adoption route we need to try and find God’s will. Nate and I felt completely led to adopt through domestic infant and if we do adopt again we aren’t sure exactly how we will go about it but I am sure prayer will be our first step. Adopting a child is a very complicated and intense process. What is right for some families may not be right for others.



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If it looks and sounds racist…

I don’t even know why I am surprised to see a fraternity singing racist songs. I know better, I know that racism is everywhere. Maybe I just don’t want to believe that a group of college men would actually sing a horrifically racist song. Then again, maybe this video will get through to people that racism is still here. Here is a blatant reminder that racism still exists for the people who actually think it’s gone. I am glad that in this reminder no one was physically injured/killed (this time), but let this be a kick in the pants for all of us to continue working on a future free from racism and white privilege. I saw a news story yesterday afternoon about some of the fraternity guys’ parents making statements and apologies about their sons and mentioning that they aren’t actually “racist”. One of the fraternity members singing his heart out on the video said he wasn’t a racist in his statement. What I would really like to say to them is, “Oh no, Y’all are definitely racists.”  If you are able to sing those words? If you can even stomach being apart of a group of people who would sing those words then you qualify. Welcome to the real world guys. It’s almost like the word is more offensive than the meaning. No no we aren’t racist we are just singing about hanging people because of their skin color.

Racism: Hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

As an elementary school social worker I used to tell my students that if you are hearing or watching the bullying go on and not doing anything to stop it, then you are a part of the problem. As adults, it can also be hard to stand up and say, No, that is wrong and completely unacceptable.  This is bad, this is real bad and always has been. We need to open our eyes. Don’t uncomfortably laugh at a racist joke because it is a boss or “friend”, tell them that you are not ok with joking about race. Tell them that people are equal in God’s eyes and equal in yours.  Don’t allow people to treat others different because they have a different skin color. For that matter we might add in gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or any other reason I may have missed. I realize I am way late to the game but I am just so tired of hearing these excuses for Ferguson police, for college “boys”, for the Eric Garner murder.

Another term used in some of the statements issued was “prayerful”. Clearly Jesus is the one to get through to these guys and I pray that they truly seek him. We all need more prayer, we all need Jesus.

For the commandments, “Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not covet,” (and if there is any other commandment) are summed up in this, “love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

Romans 13:9-10