2015
07/11

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Personal
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Issues part 2

I have this reoccurring neck pain. It comes around every other month to every three months. Sometimes it’s in the form of spasms up my neck and into my head or down my shoulder. Sometimes it’s just a terrible crick in my neck. A couple of times it has been completely unbearable to the point of a chiropractor visit. My first visit happened when Owen was a little over a year old and I fell down the last step at our home walking downstairs with him in my arms. Luckily He was not hurt at all but my back/neck (that I already had problems with) was jarred pretty good.

Recently there was no stand out event but the neck pain was back in full force. So I decided to go back to the chiropractor. I only lasted two sessions the first time. I can’t handle the popping, it is so awkward to hear all that popping in my body. I end up uncontrollably laughing after every adjustment because it’s so creepy. So this week when I went to get adjusted, it was no different during and after the cracking. What was different about this time around was that the chiropractor decided to set me up on a machine. It made little pulses that tickled on my neck and felt very cold. He had me lay face down in a dark room for ten mins. And as he left said,” there are no children for you to take care of, you are completely stress free just relax.” So naturally I start freaking. Who does he think he is? Does he not know that I have much more important things to do than relax? So I decide to make mental lists of what I needed to do, while I waited for the dreadful 10 mins. to be up. When he FINALLY came back into the room he escorts me to another table. Wait what? I can’t go now? (This is in my head because I may be a crazy Type-A control freak but I am not rude.)

He has me lay on my back on a half massage table half water bed where the “bubbles” pummel my back while, again, I am to relax for the next 10 mins. So instead, I mentally wrote this blog about the annoyance of having to go to a chiropractor. Then I realized… My Issues are Starting to Show again, although not through my children, which is nice.

So I stopped writing this blog and left it as a “draft” for the past month. Now as I am rereading my neurotic words I am just laughing because the truth is, that is just how crazy I am.

Nate and I choose to live our lives in a chaotic way. I’m not really sure why, but I like to pile it on and Nate doesn’t like to turn any invitations down. So we end up doing a lot, a lot of the time. It is rare when we have a day of rest and relaxation. In fact yesterday, was the first day that we had no plans in I am not sure how long. Lately I have been spending Sundays at the library working on a group project but as summer school ended last week and fall starts this Thursday I had a rare moment of quiet. So I made the whole family re organize all toys and pick up the house. I will tell you though that on this Monday I feel so much better with the toys organized.

Like I said before, I start class on Thursday, Brain and Behavior and Intimate Partner Violence, and my internship at an Adoption Agency on Wednesday. Needless to say I don’t really see our lives slowing down. I just felt like I should post this blog anyway due to the need to be transparent. No big proclamations about slowing down because the fire in my gut won’t let me but boy are my issues glaring in this post.

2015
04/22

Category:
Family

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My Loves

When Nate goes out of town or is gone for a night I have some weird traditions. I like to eat waffles for dinner (comfort food) drink wine after the kids are in bed and read a book/watch ridiculously sappy movies. AKA Hallmark movies. Tonight I chose the latter as Nate enjoyed his Wilco concert night out. In honor of Mother’s Day fast approaching every hallmark commercial had me in tears. Such a sap I am. I have been a mother for essentially five years (because I definitely include the 10 months of pregnancy)!!! Five years! I often think what is God thinking allowing me to be a mother to TWO little INCREDIBLE people. I mean seriously. I fail so much in just one day, but they are always there with love, hugs, smiles, and kisses to reconcile my countless wrongdoings. There are no words.  They are amazing. So I will indulge my sappy motherhood Movie watching night with way too many pictures of my prides and joys. They are everything along with my beautiful, strong, sincere, loving husband. Jesus’ unconditional love has never been so tangible.IMG_8344.JPGIMG_8286.JPGIMG_5734.JPGIMG_7510.JPGIMG_8193.JPGIMG_7667.JPGIMG_7863.JPG

 

 

 

 

2015
03/17

Category:
General Adoption Info

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Why domestic adoption?

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A friend was recently asked about why she was choosing to adopt a domestic infant (a pretty expensive way to adopt) rather than adoption through the Foster care System. This question can make an adoptive parent feel a bit judged but as you know I never want to deter anyone from asking questions. I have written a little about this before in Choosing Adoption but I would like to address it a little more.

Domestic infant adoption is giving an opportunity to a woman to choose life for her child when she knows she is unable to parent the child in the way she wants. She is able to make an adoption plan in order to keep her child safe, well loved, and taken care of. If a mother is unprepared to have a child and does parent, this could increase the chances of CPS involvement in the child’s future. I am in no way saying that a birthmother who chooses to parent will have CPS called on her but counseling and the option of making an adoption plan would increase the chances of preventing any future encounters with CPS.

I also encourage people to have a completely open adoption in order for the child to know their Birthparents. Which is pretty specific to domestic infant adoptions. Although there can be contact in some CPS adoptions, this is not the norm or even necessarily a positive thing in some cases. Open adoption allows the child to hear about what a hard sacrifice it was for their birthparents to make an adoption plan and although they were unable to parent, they are very loved. I was also very glad to save our money, fundraise, and ask for donations in order for social workers and counselors to get paid for the many hours of their time counseling these women and thoroughly investigating potential adoptive parents. Adoption can be extremely expensive but most of these women choose to parent after these counseling sessions and are much better parents because of their time spent with a social worker. As children of God I feel that it is not only important to comfort and care for the children but also the mothers. I hope that our child’s birth mother feels the love we have for not only our child but for her too, along with the birth father and birth siblings of our daughter. Giving these mothers options on who they want to parent their child is a good thing. What some refer to as a “waiting list” is seen through my eyes as options for the parents out there who are thoughtfully choosing a safe, loving home for the child. Our particular agency never had more than 12 families in the adoptive parent book at a time and when we were picked there were only about 7 families.

I also should add that as adoptive parents we should be diligent about picking an agency or lawyer who we know will be supportive of the birthparents decision making and ethical in every step of the process. We never want to be a part of coercing any mother into an adoption plan that doesn’t want it in this country or in any other.

am in complete support of adopting through CPS and international adoption in addition to domestic infant because there are way too many children out there who need forever homes.

When deciding on an adoption route we need to try and find God’s will. Nate and I felt completely led to adopt through domestic infant and if we do adopt again we aren’t sure exactly how we will go about it but I am sure prayer will be our first step. Adopting a child is a very complicated and intense process. What is right for some families may not be right for others.

2015
03/11

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Uncategorized

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If it looks and sounds racist…

I don’t even know why I am surprised to see a fraternity singing racist songs. I know better, I know that racism is everywhere. Maybe I just don’t want to believe that a group of college men would actually sing a horrifically racist song. Then again, maybe this video will get through to people that racism is still here. Here is a blatant reminder that racism still exists for the people who actually think it’s gone. I am glad that in this reminder no one was physically injured/killed (this time), but let this be a kick in the pants for all of us to continue working on a future free from racism and white privilege. I saw a news story yesterday afternoon about some of the fraternity guys’ parents making statements and apologies about their sons and mentioning that they aren’t actually ”racist”. One of the fraternity members singing his heart out on the video said he wasn’t a racist in his statement. What I would really like to say to them is, “Oh no, Y’all are definitely racists.”  If you are able to sing those words? If you can even stomach being apart of a group of people who would sing those words then you qualify. Welcome to the real world guys. It’s almost like the word is more offensive than the meaning. No no we aren’t racist we are just singing about hanging people because of their skin color.

Racism: Hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

As an elementary school social worker I used to tell my students that if you are hearing or watching the bullying go on and not doing anything to stop it, then you are a part of the problem. As adults, it can also be hard to stand up and say, No, that is wrong and completely unacceptable.  This is bad, this is real bad and always has been. We need to open our eyes. Don’t uncomfortably laugh at a racist joke because it is a boss or “friend”, tell them that you are not ok with joking about race. Tell them that people are equal in God’s eyes and equal in yours.  Don’t allow people to treat others different because they have a different skin color. For that matter we might add in gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or any other reason I may have missed. I realize I am way late to the game but I am just so tired of hearing these excuses for Ferguson police, for college “boys”, for the Eric Garner murder.

Another term used in some of the statements issued was “prayerful”. Clearly Jesus is the one to get through to these guys and I pray that they truly seek him. We all need more prayer, we all need Jesus.

For the commandments, “Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not covet,” (and if there is any other commandment) are summed up in this, “love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

Romans 13:9-10

2014
12/16

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Help for my future

From the moment Nate and I decided that I should stay home from work when Owen was born I have known that I would go back to school. It’s something I have wanted to do since undergrad. Social Work has been a huge chunk of my identity since 21 years of age. I have never felt like I belong to a group as much as I do with social work. It has changed my reading habits, my relationships, and my self esteem from the day my sister said “Jackie you want to do social work”. This is when I was a sophomore in college explaining to my sister (a social worker) what I wanted as a career. My sister and I were so different growing up that never did I think our professional careers would align. Turns out there are hundreds of different jobs through social work and my sister and I have taken very different paths within social work. Also turns out my sister and I are not as different as I thought.

Social work just comes natural to me. It feels right and at the same time pushes me completely out of my comfort zone constantly, which makes me love it even more. So when Owen was one month old I applied and was accepted into the UTA SW graduate program. Yes I know, Owen is almost 4 (tear) and yes it’s a two year program but I am still going. I take two classes a semester so let’s be honest it’s probably going to be another 2 years before I finish. I’m not in a hurry though and I actually really enjoy learning so it is what it is. School has kept at least one of my feet in the SW world, but I took a semester off when Baeya was born and just returned this fall. I took one online course and one Wednesday night course. On Tuesdays Nate and I enrolled in a 9 week parenting class. It’s just a more intense class than the women’s class I took this summer regarding the book, The Connected Child. We had several hours worth of homework each week, because I really needed more homework and on Thursdays Nate had his cornhole league. As you can see, we are crazy people. Needless to say, I am so happy to have the holiday break from school. Unfortunately I am fast approaching my next internship and have NO IDEA where I want it to be! I loved my homeless shelter, elementary schools, and the psychiatric hospital from the last internship (blogged about in My issues are starting to show). Not to mention my love of adoption. I am completely stumped. So I wrote this whole thing just to ask for help. Where should I go? I really don’t know what I want to do when I go back to work, there are too many options. So if you have any advice PLEASE tell me!