2015
10/25

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OU/Tech game two years later

The feels get real big around this time of year. We are headed to Norman to watch the OU/Texas Tech game and I am overwhelmed with memories of two years ago. It was at this very game we got that magical call that B’s birth parents had chosen Nate and I to be her parents.

This is Baeya’s adoption story.

I find myself writing emotional things about how amazing adoption is and sounding completely ridiculous, BUT I don’t really care. People who have adopted talk a lot about how it’s not just adopting a child but finding and adopting your child. Baeya was put into our lives at the exact right moment. The timing was flawless.

I was ready to adopt the minute I saw our beautiful Owen. Cupid’s arrow hit me so hard with that kid I “needed” another.  We knew that adoption was our next step to parenthood but Nate thought I was crazy. He needed time to be a father to one child before we were able to “have” another. I begged and pleaded for more. When Owen was only a few months old Nate told me that He would not even talk about a second child until Owen was 1.

Unsurprisingly, when Owen turned one I started again. I just knew it would take a couple years to adopt and didn’t want  to wait any longer. Nate again told me I was an insane person for wanting another so quickly. After months of my incessant pleading (yes I am a super annoying person and aware of this character flaw) Nate asked me to stop. I was devastated.

If you know me at all you know that when I am upset I do not wallow in it. I make a new plan. The only “plan” I could think of was prayer. I cannot imagine how many times I prayed for Nate to “be ready” for adoption/the next kid. I didn’t breathe a word to Nate but Jesus heard my pleas through a lot of  tears. I can be a bit dramatic when my plans are halted. I straight up thought Nate would never want a second child but at some point, I just knew that God had put this passion for adoption in my heart and he would see it through.

Then, when Owen was 2 months shy of turning two years old Nate out of the blue came to me and said he was ready to start the adoption process. I had been praying and “suffering” in silence for this moment to happen for over a year. These words were everything to me. Within one month of this conversation we had pre applied to 2 agencies, spoken with numerous international and domestic adoption social workers, and been accepted into the Buckner domestic infant program.

10 months later our precious, wonderful daughter was born. Cupid’s baby arrow had struck again and I was in love. Baeya Hope came into our lives in two days and hasn’t slowed even a little. She is a force. The OU/Tech game has a much different meaning now for me than it did a few years ago.

2015
07/11

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Issues part 2

I have this reoccurring neck pain. It comes around every other month to every three months. Sometimes it’s in the form of spasms up my neck and into my head or down my shoulder. Sometimes it’s just a terrible crick in my neck. A couple of times it has been completely unbearable to the point of a chiropractor visit. My first visit happened when Owen was a little over a year old and I fell down the last step at our home walking downstairs with him in my arms. Luckily He was not hurt at all but my back/neck (that I already had problems with) was jarred pretty good.

Recently there was no stand out event but the neck pain was back in full force. So I decided to go back to the chiropractor. I only lasted two sessions the first time. I can’t handle the popping, it is so awkward to hear all that popping in my body. I end up uncontrollably laughing after every adjustment because it’s so creepy. So this week when I went to get adjusted, it was no different during and after the cracking. What was different about this time around was that the chiropractor decided to set me up on a machine. It made little pulses that tickled on my neck and felt very cold. He had me lay face down in a dark room for ten mins. And as he left said,” there are no children for you to take care of, you are completely stress free just relax.” So naturally I start freaking. Who does he think he is? Does he not know that I have much more important things to do than relax? So I decide to make mental lists of what I needed to do, while I waited for the dreadful 10 mins. to be up. When he FINALLY came back into the room he escorts me to another table. Wait what? I can’t go now? (This is in my head because I may be a crazy Type-A control freak but I am not rude.)

He has me lay on my back on a half massage table half water bed where the “bubbles” pummel my back while, again, I am to relax for the next 10 mins. So instead, I mentally wrote this blog about the annoyance of having to go to a chiropractor. Then I realized… My Issues are Starting to Show again, although not through my children, which is nice.

So I stopped writing this blog and left it as a “draft” for the past month. Now as I am rereading my neurotic words I am just laughing because the truth is, that is just how crazy I am.

Nate and I choose to live our lives in a chaotic way. I’m not really sure why, but I like to pile it on and Nate doesn’t like to turn any invitations down. So we end up doing a lot, a lot of the time. It is rare when we have a day of rest and relaxation. In fact yesterday, was the first day that we had no plans in I am not sure how long. Lately I have been spending Sundays at the library working on a group project but as summer school ended last week and fall starts this Thursday I had a rare moment of quiet. So I made the whole family re organize all toys and pick up the house. I will tell you though that on this Monday I feel so much better with the toys organized.

Like I said before, I start class on Thursday, Brain and Behavior and Intimate Partner Violence, and my internship at an Adoption Agency on Wednesday. Needless to say I don’t really see our lives slowing down. I just felt like I should post this blog anyway due to the need to be transparent. No big proclamations about slowing down because the fire in my gut won’t let me but boy are my issues glaring in this post.

2015
04/22

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Family

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My Loves

When Nate goes out of town or is gone for a night I have some weird traditions. I like to eat waffles for dinner (comfort food) drink wine after the kids are in bed and read a book/watch ridiculously sappy movies. AKA Hallmark movies. Tonight I chose the latter as Nate enjoyed his Wilco concert night out. In honor of Mother’s Day fast approaching every hallmark commercial had me in tears. Such a sap I am. I have been a mother for essentially five years (because I definitely include the 10 months of pregnancy)!!! Five years! I often think what is God thinking allowing me to be a mother to TWO little INCREDIBLE people. I mean seriously. I fail so much in just one day, but they are always there with love, hugs, smiles, and kisses to reconcile my countless wrongdoings. There are no words.  They are amazing. So I will indulge my sappy motherhood Movie watching night with way too many pictures of my prides and joys. They are everything along with my beautiful, strong, sincere, loving husband. Jesus’ unconditional love has never been so tangible.IMG_8344.JPGIMG_8286.JPGIMG_5734.JPGIMG_7510.JPGIMG_8193.JPGIMG_7667.JPGIMG_7863.JPG

 

 

 

 

2015
03/17

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General Adoption Info

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Why domestic adoption?

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A friend was recently asked about why she was choosing to adopt a domestic infant (a pretty expensive way to adopt) rather than adoption through the Foster care System. This question can make an adoptive parent feel a bit judged but as you know I never want to deter anyone from asking questions. I have written a little about this before in Choosing Adoption but I would like to address it a little more.

Domestic infant adoption is giving an opportunity to a woman to choose life for her child when she knows she is unable to parent the child in the way she wants. She is able to make an adoption plan in order to keep her child safe, well loved, and taken care of. If a mother is unprepared to have a child and does parent, this could increase the chances of CPS involvement in the child’s future. I am in no way saying that a birthmother who chooses to parent will have CPS called on her but counseling and the option of making an adoption plan would increase the chances of preventing any future encounters with CPS.

I also encourage people to have a completely open adoption in order for the child to know their Birthparents. Which is pretty specific to domestic infant adoptions. Although there can be contact in some CPS adoptions, this is not the norm or even necessarily a positive thing in some cases. Open adoption allows the child to hear about what a hard sacrifice it was for their birthparents to make an adoption plan and although they were unable to parent, they are very loved. I was also very glad to save our money, fundraise, and ask for donations in order for social workers and counselors to get paid for the many hours of their time counseling these women and thoroughly investigating potential adoptive parents. Adoption can be extremely expensive but most of these women choose to parent after these counseling sessions and are much better parents because of their time spent with a social worker. As children of God I feel that it is not only important to comfort and care for the children but also the mothers. I hope that our child’s birth mother feels the love we have for not only our child but for her too, along with the birth father and birth siblings of our daughter. Giving these mothers options on who they want to parent their child is a good thing. What some refer to as a “waiting list” is seen through my eyes as options for the parents out there who are thoughtfully choosing a safe, loving home for the child. Our particular agency never had more than 12 families in the adoptive parent book at a time and when we were picked there were only about 7 families.

I also should add that as adoptive parents we should be diligent about picking an agency or lawyer who we know will be supportive of the birthparents decision making and ethical in every step of the process. We never want to be a part of coercing any mother into an adoption plan that doesn’t want it in this country or in any other.

am in complete support of adopting through CPS and international adoption in addition to domestic infant because there are way too many children out there who need forever homes.

When deciding on an adoption route we need to try and find God’s will. Nate and I felt completely led to adopt through domestic infant and if we do adopt again we aren’t sure exactly how we will go about it but I am sure prayer will be our first step. Adopting a child is a very complicated and intense process. What is right for some families may not be right for others.

2015
03/11

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If it looks and sounds racist…

I don’t even know why I am surprised to see a fraternity singing racist songs. I know better, I know that racism is everywhere. Maybe I just don’t want to believe that a group of college men would actually sing a horrifically racist song. Then again, maybe this video will get through to people that racism is still here. Here is a blatant reminder that racism still exists for the people who actually think it’s gone. I am glad that in this reminder no one was physically injured/killed (this time), but let this be a kick in the pants for all of us to continue working on a future free from racism and white privilege. I saw a news story yesterday afternoon about some of the fraternity guys’ parents making statements and apologies about their sons and mentioning that they aren’t actually “racist”. One of the fraternity members singing his heart out on the video said he wasn’t a racist in his statement. What I would really like to say to them is, “Oh no, Y’all are definitely racists.”  If you are able to sing those words? If you can even stomach being apart of a group of people who would sing those words then you qualify. Welcome to the real world guys. It’s almost like the word is more offensive than the meaning. No no we aren’t racist we are just singing about hanging people because of their skin color.

Racism: Hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

As an elementary school social worker I used to tell my students that if you are hearing or watching the bullying go on and not doing anything to stop it, then you are a part of the problem. As adults, it can also be hard to stand up and say, No, that is wrong and completely unacceptable.  This is bad, this is real bad and always has been. We need to open our eyes. Don’t uncomfortably laugh at a racist joke because it is a boss or “friend”, tell them that you are not ok with joking about race. Tell them that people are equal in God’s eyes and equal in yours.  Don’t allow people to treat others different because they have a different skin color. For that matter we might add in gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or any other reason I may have missed. I realize I am way late to the game but I am just so tired of hearing these excuses for Ferguson police, for college “boys”, for the Eric Garner murder.

Another term used in some of the statements issued was “prayerful”. Clearly Jesus is the one to get through to these guys and I pray that they truly seek him. We all need more prayer, we all need Jesus.

For the commandments, “Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not covet,” (and if there is any other commandment) are summed up in this, “love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

Romans 13:9-10